Dog jokes

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.

Because we couldn't afford a dog.

Squirrel: I got a joke.

Dog: What the hell is it?

Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.

Why are trees afraid of dogs? Because they bark.

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

What is a dog's favorite snack?

RUFFles.

- What do you call a dog that can do magic?

- A labracadabrador.

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ruff ruff.

Ruff ruff who?

Let the dogs out.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

What did the dog say to the other dog?

Susie: Ling Ling, truth or dare?

Ling Ling: Truth.

Susie: What happened to Stacie's dog?

Ling Ling: Dare.

Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?

To the retail store.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?

Get it a Rolex!

Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.

What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?