Disease jokes

Q: Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone?

A: He has turrets.

So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...

Cancer.

A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!

Cancer?

Cancer

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?

An arti-“choke”!

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)

Friend: I got bit.

Other friend: By what?

Friend: A dog.

Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)

What is the difference between underaged privileged children with bone cancer and you?

I like you!

What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?

Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭

God creates a wasp :)

God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

Angel: okay... a bug.

God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.

Angel: weird.. but okay...

God: and give it wings.

Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

Angel: *shook* o-okay

God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

Angel: . - .

God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*

Angel: *cries*

Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.

Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.