Disease jokes
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.