Disease jokes

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.

What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?

A trash can behind the cancer ward.

A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do, child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

AIDS.

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

A: My dad didn't beat cancer...