Disease jokes
Every hair zodiac has a hairstyle--except Cancer.
Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.
Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Beef stroganoff.
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.