Disease jokes
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!