Disease jokes
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.
Hupun DEEZ NUTS!
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
I have it.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
How did the other 18 COVIDs go unnoticed?
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
Yo momma is so fat, when she caught the flesh-eating bacteria, it gave up!
What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?
My stepdad did beat cancer.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”