Disease jokes
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?
Because he'd lose his sense of smell.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?
Covid.
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.