Disease jokes

Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?

Covid.

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"

What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?

A trash can behind the cancer ward.

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?

Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.

It’s called Finding Chemo.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

What's the best way to remove gum from hair?

Cancer.