Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?
Covid.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.
