Diet jokes
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
I breathe in African food.
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Why did the Indian man eat a cow?
Because he wanted to be fat like one.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Finger food.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
Why is yo mama so fat? She follows rap boat's diet.