Diet jokes

Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.

If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,

Try salad 🥗.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?

A joint in each hand.

Save the plants, eat a vegan.

When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.

Lean.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Finger food.