Diet jokes

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

How do people eat bread?

What's the food orphans can't eat?

Family-sized ice cream.

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.

When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.

What did the frog order?

A diet Croak!

"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Finger food.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Lean.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!