Diet jokes

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Finger food.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

How do people eat bread?

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.

When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.

Lean.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

What did the frog order?

A diet Croak!

"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What's the food orphans can't eat?

Family-sized ice cream.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.