Diet jokes

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Finger food.

Lean.

How do people eat bread?

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What's the food orphans can't eat?

Family-sized ice cream.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.