Diet jokes
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
Why did the Indian man eat a cow? Because he wanted to be fat.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"