Diet jokes

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

Lean.

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Finger food.

What's the food orphans can't eat?

Family-sized ice cream.

How do people eat bread?

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.

What did the frog order?

A diet Croak!

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.