Diet jokes
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"
"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.