Die jokes

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Cause he would never look both ways.

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

How did the gay man die? Homicide.

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

Me: It's so sad Ironman died of ligma. You: What the heck is an Ironman? Me: Ligma balls. "snap" ^kaboom^

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

Do emos get jealous when their phone dies?

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

Twin monks who ring the church bells died.

Now they are dead ringers. :)

Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

Why did the skeleton die from laughter?

'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.