Die jokes

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."

A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"

Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."

Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.

Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He didn't have enough room for any more RAM on his motherboard. I feel so bad for saying that!

Why did the cat cross the road?

To die.

Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:

Stephen Hawking died because he got hacked by me, and the update was too strong.

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.

To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”

"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”

“Where do you come from?"

"Rome."

“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”

To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”

Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, never heard of him.”

Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"He says Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"