Die jokes

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!

How did Steven Hawking die?

He blew a fuse doing an update.

Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.

I love dccfffghyyhh.

I’m going to be scared of diesel.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

Why did Sally not come home from school today?

Because she died by a flying brick!

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?