Die jokes

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

The man who invented Velcro died.

RIP.

If the US ate chicken, it would die.

What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?

The second hour is free.

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

Why didn't the child go to school?

Because he died of a heroin overdose.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.

The West is dying.

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His PC overheated.