Dick jokes

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"

What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?

They both ride on my dick.

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"

Dick in my mouth.

My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺

She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.

I once cummed on my boyfriend's dick. { puts an eggplant emoji }

I like to watch porn too ;)

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

My dick harder than stone, man.

Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Kid 2: Why?

Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.

Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?

Because he didn't have a pen to write with.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

Dick butt.