Dick Jokes

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

Why did the man cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?

10 dicks up your mom's ass!

Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.

Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?

A. They're both really short.

You're an apple. Now suck my dick!!!

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

MY name is Justin I like like dick lit me eat you out like?

my name is big dick

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throat a banana. I said why are you doing that for. I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood.

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.