Di jokes
What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?
"Windows Shut Down."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Memes
I want to di... dive! Yeah!
Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.
Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.
I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
Depression: Here, your mom just died.
Me: My mom is already dead.
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.