Di jokes

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

What does Diana stand for?

Died In A Nasty Accident.

I want to di... dive! Yeah!

Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

Momentum.

Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?

It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.

An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.