Di jokes

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.