Di jokes

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.

They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.

Stephen Hawking died.

Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.

Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.

My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."