Death jokes
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
so you have chosen...death
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.