Death jokes

People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?

The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.

What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.

Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.