Death Jokes

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

The image is a four-panel comic featuring a stick figure with a troll face. The first panel reads, "How to have a higher chance of winning in Russian roulette." The second panel shows the stick figure holding a pistol and reads, "Step 1: acquire a semi automatic pistol instead of a revolver". The third panel shows the stick figure holding the pistol and another stick figure with a concerned face and reads, "Step 2: tell your friend to go first." The fourth panel reads, "Problem death?" and shows the troll face again.

what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?

dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.

morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.

What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”