Death jokes
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.