How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
I will pay someone to kill me.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
