Death jokes
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
Why did the dick suck my ass? They died.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Why did Texas freeze to death? Because they're retarded.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were my great grandpa's last words?
"SHIT MG42!!!"
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.