George Washington jokes
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
What did George Washington Carver have anything to do with gorillas? It's a little possible, ya dummy!
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.
Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
Censorship is trash. It doesn’t stop people from spreading hate anyways.
