Death jokes
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
Q) Why is Technoblade's body hard?
A) Cuz he was thinking of children on his deathbed!
Juice WRLD died a legend. Making these jokes won't get you anywhere. Grow up.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.
Technoblade!
Please tell me you understand this...
Don't joke about Juice WRLD; he died a hard life, so get f***ed.
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.