Death jokes

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

Suicide

I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.

Son: Where's grandma?

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

Take your foot off its head.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

Because it died.

What's the POINT in stabbing people?

HAHAHA

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?

Going in a military.

The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"

Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.

Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

Q: Why did the teacher die?

A: Because he hated his life.

One time there was a squirrel who died.

It was funny because the squirrel got dead.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

POV: Orphans rule the world.

God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.

The orphan: Waaaaaa!

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.