Death jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His power went out.
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
Do it
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What's a zig zag and made of wood?
Stephen's coffin.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
Orphan: I want to kill my parents.
Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.