Death jokes
When you die, scientists will preserve your skull.
What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
Ammon died.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
It’s so sad how Stephen Hawking was just rolling too far away from the outlet. RIP :(
The only reason Stephen Hawking died was because he saw the end.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What's a zig zag and made of wood?
Stephen's coffin.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.