Why did the dick suck my ass? They died.
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he's slightly ginger.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His Windows update wasn't available.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to get the free cracked version of Windows 10.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Suicide
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
