Death jokes

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

👌neck

Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.

Kill yourself, hoes!

Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.

Please don't kill [me].

Why did the skeleton not cross the road?

Because it did not have the guts.

Murder, murder, suicide by police.

So I was at a class at school, and then boom, explosion. Lots of dead.

I shoot at the people too, haha, goodbye class. Scary.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.

Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?

To commit suicide.

Yo mama so fat, she died!

I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.