Death jokes
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
Rip Juice WRLD.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.