Death jokes
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.