Death jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

What do you call a fly without wings? Dead.

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?

They never get old.

Why did the orphan kill itself?

Because he's depressed about no family.

Why did the orphan die?

He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.

What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?

They both hang from a tree!

Name something an orphan can't do?

Go cry to their mommy.

Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.

Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.