Death jokes
What instruments do skeletons like to play?
Trombones.
👌neck
Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?
The Emo hangs himself.
Why did Sally fall dead?
Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
He's dead.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
My dog died.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.