Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
Death Jokes
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?
Dying alone.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.
