Death jokes
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?
"Windows Shut Down."
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."