Death jokes

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?

Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.

What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He had a computer virus!

What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?

A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 9 because my basement's still dark.

Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Rip Juice WRLD.

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.