Death jokes
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.