Death jokes
Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?
Jeffrey Epstein.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
I put the fun in funeral.
What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?
Shoot kids in them ;)
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I don't want to die.
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.
I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.