Death jokes
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
My dead grandfather!!!!
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
I don't want to die.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.