Death jokes
Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your dead son.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
iykyk
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."