Death jokes
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."