Death jokes

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

What do suicidal people and apples have in common?

They both hang from trees.

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.