Death jokes

What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.

What instruments do skeletons like to play?

Trombones.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

-->[]life death[]<--

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

I am a dead baby. -end joke-

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He got hit!

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."