Death jokes
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
"What the fuck is in this drink?"
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
I put the fun in funeral.
What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?
Shoot kids in them ;)
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.