Death jokes
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
Memes
R.I.P
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.