Death Jokes

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

Q: What did one snake say to the other?

A: Nothing because they are both dead.

Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.

People tell Kobe to fly high, but when he flew high, he died.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

Prince, don't die! Just don't! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasse!

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.