Death jokes

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

When the school shooter makes the emo kid hang himself and the autistic kid thinks it's a piñata: 🤪🏏

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"

What instruments do skeletons like to play?

Trombones.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

Dead.

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone not here?

Student: Yes, your parents.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

Do you know how to make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.