Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Death Jokes
Bullets.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
Suicide
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
