Girlfriend

Anonymous

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Chair

Piss

My gf dumped me so I took her wheel chair

Guess who came crawling back

Little Johnny

Why?

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said “ That was the sound of the north wind. The next day his teacher asked the class “ What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

Girlfriend

Anonymous

my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time

Girlfriend

R

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

0

Girlfriend

Dumped

Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her…

Off the nearby cliff

Priest

Anonymous

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Cannibal

Anonymous

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

3

Difference

Anonymous

whats the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a ferrari? i dont own a ferrari.

Name

Jaxon joke

What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson you dump him

Wife

Anonymous

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump. She really hates it when I spit my food back out. Stephen Hawking

Son

Dark wofl

Dad\mom:Son,your adopted .son:i know,.holds up daddys phone that has the text of them talking about it. dad:babe,we need to talk. mom:ok… dad:hes grounded. mom:your right,your grounded! oh and im dumping you. son:am i getting a new daddy? mom:soon honey,soon… dad:i really shouldnt have let her know i cheating

Orphan

nowheretobeseen

Whats the same about bins and orphans? They get dumped.

Girlfriend

I like peanut butter

What does a canabolist do after he dumps his girlfriend??

He wipes his butt

Cannibal

Anonymous

What did the Cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

Trump

twumpliker

========================= (pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club -

"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump… what the fuck up with that dude, man ?

“Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !)

. . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for bein’ fucked up, for instance …

STUMP : TEENY DICK

BUMP : TINY TIT

GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE

LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA FUCKED

UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP : AN ASS

DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP : SEE “HUMP”

. . . and last, but definitely not least --

JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP VAT 'O SCAT MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO STRAIGHT TO
HELL BITCH !! …

    HA!HA!HA!HA !  YESSS !!

… well boys and girls, that’s gonna be about it for me, as I think my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a big turn for the worse !"

…(splort !, plop !, drip !) … OOOOPS ! ‘snif, snif’ …

                ..... ewwwwww !! 
                                               
         (audience growing uneasy and unruly)

"Fuhhk ! … I better go now , 'cause I just went ! … ha! ha! ha! … Yikes !!

GOOD NIGHT LAZIES, AND GERBILMEN ! PLEASE DRIVE RECKLESSLY !

                                 (curtain drops)

(continuous laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants peeing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, fists fuckin’, guns poppin’, blood pumpin’)

"OH LORDY !!.. I THINK HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH,

… AND ARMAGITTIN’ THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE !!"

(one very quick curtain call, and swiftly out the back door to an awaiting taxi … with ALL the windows rolled down) Whew ! … Amen.

2

Girlfriend

Anonymous

What did the canible do after he dumped his girlfriend Wiped his ass

Diarrhea

Wall

What did buttholes say after taking a dump? Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.

Doctor

hewo

Today was like every other day It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary I fear these feelings will never end I’ll always feel so dark feel so hopeless Sometimes all I want is for it to end For all of it to end for all of my thoughts to end I despise the way that always comes to mind But I feel so lost feel so hopeless If something would just work But nothing has worked
Nothing can fix this These feelings will pass. These days won’t feel so endless… or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope…. and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they’ll help… they’ll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue… Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It’ll make this better. It should make me feel better. Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!

Trump

Fungi

“TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN”

(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :

…“Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . “I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for being fucked up, for instance”…

STUMP : TEENY DICK

BUMP : TINY TIT

GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE

LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA FUCKED

UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP : AN ASS

DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP : SEE “HUMP”

. . . and last, but definitely not least –

JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL !!

… “Well that’s about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! …(splort!, plop!)… OOOOPS !! … sniff,sniff … Ewww !” (audience roars) “Fuhhhhk !.. I better go, 'cause I just went !! … Ha! ha! ha!”

…“Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!” …

(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, guns poppin’)

“OH LORDY !!.. HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN’ THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!”

(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi……….with the windows down) …Amen.

7

Wait

Anonymous

If selena Gomez wasn’t really single after justin bieber dump her. I would wait for her to come by my house take her fine ass in my room close my door give her some sex medicine until she masturbate.

Ex

...

I once had a trash can as a girl friend I was ready to break up with her but all she had to say was "please don’t dump me" then I said “sorry i’m ready to take out the trash”

Toilet

Anonymous

me: hey have you seen my butt him: no have you seen where it is me: maybe here on your private part hehe him: dumps my head on the toilet, HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW PERVERT