When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
Day Jokes
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Hello, everyone, how is your day today?
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
