Day jokes
Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
Hello, everyone, how is your day today?
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.