Day jokes
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.
I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
What month has 28 days?
All of them.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"