Day Jokes

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

What is 14 inches long and starts with D?

A Dookie From GREEN DAY

Share the word lmfao (even tho im 5'1)

A screenshot of a definition of "National throw short people day" which states "On October 21, you can anybody under 5'6" with no permission needed. Prepare to be yeeted for it is national throw short people day" It also says by Pug? October 6, 2021 and has like and dislike buttons.

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.