Day jokes
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Hello, everyone, how is your day today?
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
Memes
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!