Dating jokes
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.