Dating jokes

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why were the twin towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same!

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."