Dating jokes

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Why were the twin towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same!

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same.