Dating jokes

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"

SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"

HE: "I'm a butcher."

SHE: "We're through!"

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

  • 1

    • My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

    Now she's having a breakfast.

    I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

  • 5

    • There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

  • 0

    • What happened when the fire used Tinder?

    He luckily got a lot of matches.

    So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

    Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

    He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

    He then told me how easy would that be?

    I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

    My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."

    Boy: Hey! I love you...

    Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.

    *boy sent a pic of his dic*

    Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.