So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
What do you call butter without an expiration date?
A miracle butter, because wow!
My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
My love life.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
Chase cheated on Charlie with Addison Rae.
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
I don't want to date an alien.
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
You guys wanna hear a joke?
My LOVE LIFE.
Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."
So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"
And then she died.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
