Dating jokes
Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
My ex.
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Who wants to be my boyfriend, please?
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
Thank God I went on the tenth.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.
She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm