What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Rules of Dark humor:

  1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
  2. No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
  3. Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
  • Sincerely, Zane

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

What do you call a dog with no legs ?

It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

Never tell an Orphan about a family matter, they wouldn’t understand

No matter how much I love cake…

I would never dessert you.

what do you call a dog with no legs?

It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.

What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.

Most people say I’m a clown. Yet they don’t laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me, because I’m a “clown”. Yet I’m not the center of the circus. But I know I’m gonna be a clown forever. Because I can’t take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I’m being called a clown…because my smiling face is fake…

A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. “What is the matter with you?” the man thinks aloud. “Well, that’s how I was born, I’m actually a faulty parrot” says the bird. “Haha,” the man laughs, “it seems like that parrot understands what I’m saying and even answers!” “I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated,” says the bird. “Well, if you’re so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs.” “Well,” says the parrot, “it’s a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers.” “Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?” “Yes, yes,” replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. “Sorry, I can not afford that.” “Psst,” whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says “Pssssssssssst” while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. “I do not know if I should tell you this,” says the parrot, “but it’s about your wife and the postman.” “What!?” says the man. “Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth.” “And then,” the man hisses, “What happened then?” “Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere.” “My God,” says the now furious man, “And what else did they do?” “Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down.” “And then, what happened, what else did they do?” the man screams . “No idea,” says the papgaai, “I got a boner and thundered off my stick …”

what do you call a dog with no legs? It dosent matter what you call him,he isnt coming.

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn’t matter what you call it, as it’s never going to come.

My friend once said my opinion didn’t matter. I said why did you call me a female

North Korea and the martians were fighting about who was going the reach venus first. Trump steps in and says " That doesn’t matter american is going to land on the sun first". The martians and North Korea said “you can’t land on the sun it’s to hot and you will die”. Trump said his brilliant plan that “America is going to land their at night”.

What does an elephant that doesn’t matter called? An irrel-ephant ;)

I got hit with a can of soda. It doesn’t matter, it was a soft drink

What’s large, grey, and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

yo’mama sometimes always happens to let you know you’re back in New York – like the way people order in a restaurant: ‘Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What’s the matter with you? I’ve evolved into another species here, you understand? I can’t eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?’

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