Dark Humor
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.
What gives me my power
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?
Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.