Dark Humor

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.