Dark Humor

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.

This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?

A: Me time.

Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?

A: Hearing Aids.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled kids.

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?

Fitting it in.