Dark Humor

Why couldn't George Floyd become a Demon Slayer?

Because he couldn't breathe.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

You know, my mom told me to become an astronaut.

I told her I don't want to become the next firework.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

One stops sucking when you slap it.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.