Dark Humor

Dark Humor

Funeral

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Fairy Tale

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

Memes

Hole

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

Orphan

I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.

The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.

Comedian

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

Day

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Kid

What do clothes and emo kids have in common?

They both get hung.

Face

If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Kid

How do blind kids get punished?

By moving the furniture around the house.

Double Standard

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Child

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.

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  • women's rights

    Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

    Girl: No, how?

    Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.

    Problem

    The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

    Japanese

    Why are Japanese always so skinny?

    Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.