Damn Jokes

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza damn that pizza was good

You say to your slow friend: Damn your slower than Stephen Hawkings. And that takes some talent.

I would rather do my own laundry not my uncle"s laundry because I ain"t no damn butler like Alfred from batman i don't live in no damn batcave by Gotham tity.

Hey Girl: hey Damn i forgot my spray bottle Girl: what It says spray on flat surfaces

Her: I love kobe bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: Atleast you don't say save the trees cus damn kobe is good

i really wasnt planning on going for a run today, but damn those cops came put of nowhere’s

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because my and the gorilla had too much to drink.

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"

what did the man say to his wife? "MAKE ME A DAMN SANDWICH WOMAN!"

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5 , I get shutdown so fast , I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring

Damn Really stole my friend glasses well now their blind but not really their dead.

damn bro that calculator is looking hot today. it got Abs

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain? "Damn bro, you got an ankle spring"

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cause damn you lookin kinda Au Ti S Ti C.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi. I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “ a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills. DAMN PESSI