Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

I don’t like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it. He was the best damn pilot in saudi arabia

So there I was fucking my sister and she’s shouts “god you fuck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…

<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it

Now 14y.o. : Oh…

What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb… A: Not Three. My damn basement is still dark…

Most people say I’m a clown. Yet they don’t laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me, because I’m a “clown”. Yet I’m not the center of the circus. But I know I’m gonna be a clown forever. Because I can’t take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I’m being called a clown…because my smiling face is fake…

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an englishman. He says things like,

“It’s a elevator, not’a lift!”


“It’s bathroom! Not ‘washroom’!”

He keeps going on until the englishman says,

“Hey wankar, it’s a school, not a god damned shootin range.”

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, “Well, the damn neighbor Sally’s braces are to sharp.”

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

whats the diffrence between my dad and the milk man

the milk man comes back with the god damn milk

What does the depression person say to the happy person? Damn I wish I was on the stuff your on lol.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind yo f…ing buisnes like damn

Damn bitch you got a big ass for head

Fell Sans: Welp, you’re BONED Fell papyrus: DAMN YOU SANS!!!

TDS- Too Damn Slow

Hey fatboy why are you so damn fat? Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain? “Damn bro, you got an ankle spring”