The 100+ Best Damn Jokes

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn

What's the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

James Bond: vodka martini Bartender: shaken not sterd James Bond: do I look like I give a DAMN

My teacher got so made at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and i said “damn, got hit twice”

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza damn that pizza was good

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort there twins. Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it. He was the best damn pilot in saudi arabia

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said "lets play a game". so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says "A" little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself "well he might say something like a$$" so the teacher calls on sally. sally say "apple". the teacher says "B" little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though "no he might say something like b!tch". so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says "R" little Johnny raises his hand and say "me me please I really know one". then the teacher thinks to herself "well theres no cuss word that starts with R" so she said "ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R" little Johnny says "a rat!" and the teacher very pleased say "very good Johnny what type of rat" little Johnny says "A big gosh damn mother freaker". sorry I had to edit some word but y'all know what I meant.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Damn, I love being a sniper

So there I was fucking my sister and she’s shouts “god you fuck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. Thats the third one this week and its only monday

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

Expectation: Brr, I’m cold! Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!

Reality: Brr, I’m cold! Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather.

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are to sharp."

Damn bitch you got a big ass for head

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “Change the damn diaper you idiot.”