Damn Jokes

Anonymous
in Woman

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

4
aye
in Twin Towers

I don’t like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it. He was the best damn pilot in saudi arabia

Anonymous
in Little Johnny

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said “lets play a game”. so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says “A” little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself “well he might say something like a$$” so the teacher calls on sally. sally say “apple”. the teacher says “B” little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though “no he might say something like b!tch”. so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says “R” little Johnny raises his hand and say “me me please I really know one”. then the teacher thinks to herself “well theres no cuss word that starts with R” so she said “ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R” little Johnny says “a rat!” and the teacher very pleased say “very good Johnny what type of rat” little Johnny says “A big gosh damn mother freaker”. sorry I had to edit some word but y’all know what I meant.

Anonymous
in Sniper

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Damn, I love being a sniper

Anonymous

So there I was fucking my sister and she’s shouts “god you fuck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

5
Lance
in Depression

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

Zane

What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

5
Anonymous

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. Thats the third one this week and its only monday

Big Daddy
in Puns

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn

please help
in Difference

whats the diffrence between my dad and the milk man

the milk man comes back with the god damn milk

Hes Here

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “Change the damn diaper you idiot.”

U make me barf
in Sally

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, “Well, the damn neighbor Sally’s braces are to sharp.”

2
Anonymous
in Forehead

Damn bitch you got a big ass for head

2
Anonymous

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

4
unrealnoodles

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb… A: Not Three. My damn basement is still dark…

Anonymous
in Stop

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. “Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!” the nun shouted. The man walked over to the nun. “Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?” the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. “Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?” the man asked. The nun replied, “Okay, only one thing.” “What would you like?” asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. “How about a little gin?” the man concluded. “Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don’t see what I’m drinking?” asked the nun. “Fine,” the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. “Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?” asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. “Don’t tell me that damn nun is out there again!” the bartender said.

Anonymous

mother got shot, damn father got shot, damn sister got shot, damn brother got shot, damn auntie running away with a shot gun

Anonymous
in Depression

A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…

<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it

Now 14y.o. : Oh…

pilot#1
in Twin Towers

damn Americans they fucking suck at clash royal.

Shitty little johnny jokes
in Little Johnny

So little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test, his mother and father gets home and he tells them " mom I failed my math test" his mother aggressively says “get the belt” Johnny says “why?” His mother says “im gonna spank you for failing” Johnny says “so just like daddy?” His father turns red knowing what they did last night