Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

So there I was fucking my sister and she’s shouts “god you fuck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…

<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it

Now 14y.o. : Oh…

What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

Most people say I’m a clown. Yet they don’t laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me, because I’m a “clown”. Yet I’m not the center of the circus. But I know I’m gonna be a clown forever. Because I can’t take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I’m being called a clown…because my smiling face is fake…

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb… A: Not Three. My damn basement is still dark…

I don’t like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it. He was the best damn pilot in saudi arabia

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an englishman. He says things like,

“It’s a elevator, not’a lift!”


“It’s bathroom! Not ‘washroom’!”

He keeps going on until the englishman says,

“Hey wankar, it’s a school, not a god damned shootin range.”

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, “Well, the damn neighbor Sally’s braces are to sharp.”

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn

whats the diffrence between my dad and the milk man

the milk man comes back with the god damn milk

Damn bitch you got a big ass for head

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind yo f…ing buisnes like damn

Fell Sans: Welp, you’re BONED Fell papyrus: DAMN YOU SANS!!!

TDS- Too Damn Slow

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain? “Damn bro, you got an ankle spring”

Hey fatboy why are you so damn fat? Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie

I was talking to a muslem yesterday, And he asked me what it’s like to be blind. I happened to tell him about 20 jokes, in fact I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with "At least I don’t have to screw in light bulbs. It ’s not like I need the damn things anyway.

the sad thing is when they ride the scooters in wal mart…really you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with…and damned if they arent buying diet soda…please…cull this shit…we dont need them in society…kfc is not a disease

what did the man say to his wife? “MAKE ME A DAMN SANDWICH WOMAN!”

I don’t ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that’s not a 10 or a 5 , I get shutdown so fast , I put out lit candles…like damn, I thought I hid my ring

So, I got my blind friend a big Mac for his birthday, a week later he walked up to me and said "Damn, that was the most violent book I’ve ever read."

So I made a simple cancer joke on roblox with my friend an then both hers dumb ass friends we’re like, OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!! THAT PISSED ME OFF like damn woman it’s not like I said, IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB ASSES. If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can’t talk. They don’t know that I’m abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I’d get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH