Damn jokes
My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"
Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
This is so damn funny!
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
What does pussy taste like in chocolate cream pie?
Don't ever ask me no damn question like that. I ain't never had no damn chocolate cream pie, you crazy?
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”