Dad jokes

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

Why can orphans not get married?

They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

What show do orphans hate?

"American Dad."

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their way to the store to see their dad.

Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?

What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.