dad
What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?
Her dad always comes back.
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
I can't have my Oreos 😠Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
