Dad jokes

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"You SURE will be glad when this dad joke's over."

"That was pretty DAD!"

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.

Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.

Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!

Wait, what Billy?

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

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My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

Ya mums, ya dad.