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Dad

Dad jokes

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

  • 4

    • Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

    Son, he is dinner.

    A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

    His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

    The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

    "His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

    The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

    The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

    "No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

    In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

    Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

    Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Son: Why?

    Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

    My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

    Kid: I'm hungry.

    Dad Bot: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

    Teenager: I'm Hitler did nothing wrong.

    Dad Bot: Hi Hitler did nothing wrong, I'm dad.

    Nazi: Finally!

  • 0

    • There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

    We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

    I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

    My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.