Dad jokes
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
My dad died lol.
Kid: I'm hungry.
Dad Bot: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
Teenager: I'm Hitler did nothing wrong.
Dad Bot: Hi Hitler did nothing wrong, I'm dad.
Nazi: Finally!
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
My dad.
Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"