Dad jokes

Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.

Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.

Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!

Wait, what Billy?

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

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My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

Ya mums, ya dad.

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

A: My dad didn't beat cancer...

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

My dad died lol.

Kid: I'm hungry.

Dad Bot: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Teenager: I'm Hitler did nothing wrong.

Dad Bot: Hi Hitler did nothing wrong, I'm dad.

Nazi: Finally!

My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.